I rode a bike.
Gasp.
Ok, so I learned how to ride a bike when I was little. I made one or two successful turns around the backyard, however many was necessary to make my Dad satisfied he'd done his duty. Then I put the bike down and deliberately did not ride it again. So with the exception of a few shaky rides down the driveway, or to the corner of South Jackson Road with more bike savvy siblings (from which I generally walked back.) I really never became a confident rider of bikes. I never turned, successfully stopped in any sort of graceful way and always rode slowly enough that it destroyed any advantages over walking.
This aversion to bike riding stems from a general hatred of helmets and a over developed sense of self-preservation. Therefore, I can't really bring myself to ride without a helmet, or with one. But that's not all. I have never gotten out of that wobbly stage and into the confident rider stage and so I have never gone out of my way to ride a bike.
A few weeks ago I decided to try out the bike my parents left out here with me and I went down the road by my house. There are open fields on both sides and I could see cars coming and going from miles away it was so flat. It was a lovely time, which inspired me with confidence for what happened next.
A semi ran over our car and off the road. So now car-less, prideful and sick of bothering my friends for rides I took my bike off the lawn and rode it to Delta State for professional Saturday. It was a rather overcast day and the clouds threatened to douse me, bike and treasured laptop, so I prayed and shakily went my way.
The way to DSU wasn't so bad. I rode on the left side of the road so I could see the cars coming at me. I prayed a lot. "Please don't let me get hit by a car! Please don't let me crash into this ditch! Please don't let me get my clothes dirty!" "Oh no! There's no shoulder! Why don't you own a helmet?! Aghh!" "Steady, steady, other people do this all the time..." I am sure you get the picture.
I made it to DSU very sweaty. I ended up pulling my bike into the building because, as I told myself, it would be very sad to lose a car and a bike in the same week.
After my meetings, everyone was so supportive, "I should ride my bike more" "That's so great you ride your bike around." They made me feel like an eco-good health hero.
So on my way back, I tried to follow my friend Eliese's advise about proper bike etiquette and ride with traffic, signal before turning etc... Which definitely made me feel more pro. Until the blue truck pulled up.
The man inside was about 27 and definitely from here. By that I mean he shares a place with my students created by the fact that I can't understand them. Anyway, he pulled up and started a conversation that went something like this.
"Are you ok?"
"Yeah, fine, thanks" (Focused on road... Don't slip off into lose gravel and tip over and skin up every part that is necessary to continue to get home...)
"Are you sure?"
"uhuh"
Are you a student here?"
"Yup" (The correct answer I realized instantly was no, but I wasn't really paying attention to him or what he was saying... I was just trying to stay up and stay away from his car. For some reason, I was sure if I got too close I would fall and he would run over me.)
"Are you single?"
"Huh? Uh yeah." (Don't fall, don't fall don't fall...)(Once again, probably not the answer I should have given).
"I noticed that huge rash on your leg, are you sure you're ok? How'd you get that?" (He was referring to the bruises left on my legs from the accident. They are NOT pretty. I think my kids are scared of them and therefore better behaved.)
"Got hit by a car"
"On your bike?"
"No in my car, thanks for your concern." (Hoping this would end this ever so awkward conversation and I could go back to riding).
He pulled forward a little and then came back.
"Mummmmbling something, what would it take... mummble... )
"What?"
"mdfkfslkdlkjkdjklfshsomet
"Umm I am really busy right now, I am not really looking for dating"
"ksdfhlsdhieuowi skeet?"
"What?" (Focus! Don't fall!)
"Skeetered? It when a man and a woman... kdfhkshwe9urnmv mummblingmummble mummble... I could teach you."
"I am sorry but it makes me really scared to have you drive so close. I am just learning how to ride a bike and I am not very good at it. I really don't have time, I need to get home."
"lkskneemummble, skeeter?"
"I don't know what you are talking about, I am sorry. Have a good day..."
And he finally pulls away and we turned oppositely down the same street. I made it home, totally sweaty and gross. Took a shower and then got online and looked up skeeter...
According to the Urban dictionary, to skeeter means to pull out in the act of intercourse in order to avoid impregnating the female.
Who knew that the riskiest part of bike riding is the chance to acquire STDs not oncoming cars...
