A very green blog. (It's recycled).

Resurrecting the blog from TFA days. I think the title is still appropriate! I went to the Delta learned to teach, love the people and love the land. Then... Jecca introduced me to D and I moved to Hattiesburg, learned how to teach, love the people and love the land. Now we are moving to China, where I will learn to teach (my baby), love the people and love the land. (At least that's the plan). So I guess, instead of a blog about a teacher's experiences teaching in the mighty, mighty Delta; this is a blog about making the best of every situation and enjoying the funny stories too. It is also where you can get the down-low on our family and where we are at! So please use the comment section and the email link as much as you can!

What is minimum wage again?

So today, after getting back my end of class quizzes and finding out that my third block averaged a 52 on the second easiest quiz I have administered, I did some math I never should have done and realized that on average I make about $12.30 an hour as a teacher. Which wouldn't have been so bad except that I made more at my 'college job.' I thought 'hmmm, is this really worth it?' Not sure. I think it is the days I am effective, the days that I have girls running in to hug me and tell me they are so excited about the poem they wrote for my class. And would I like to read it? But then there are the days that it is just draining in every way. Psychologically this is very challenging for me. I think that is why few people do it... For my self-interpreted right reasons. That is I believe that working with these kids, making their lives better, giving them a chance to succeed and pushing myself to be better at it everyday is important. But a huge strain mentally. The line between my shortcomings and their limitations frequently blurs, and I take it out on myself and sometimes them. I try not to be vindictive, but I can be really cranky sometimes. Then I feel guilty because crankiness has never been a character trait of mine and I wonder "is this unpleasant person the real me?" I have heard that in the worst situations you discover people's true character. Crap. Or am I just not dealing with it all responsibly? Or have I just bitten off more than I can chew teaching everyday with a very rigid schedule under unyielding financial constraints, trying to raise $15000 to take my students to Spain so that they can see a world different from the world they currently see? Or is it just too much today? If I plan better, will it be better tomorrow? What if I am too burned out to follow my plans? Thank goodness for the scriptures, some clarity, I get to work with the kids on Sunday, some peace, pour it all out in prayer, start again... Everyday is a blur of this right now. Every day is better than the last, every day I am better than the day before, I am finding my footing slowly. I wonder sometimes if classically trained teachers have it easier... But I don't think so. I think my lack of training is honestly an advantage for me. I approach teaching differently than my colleagues. I don't know how it's "supposed" to look, so I look for results and love my students, who rarely and vaguely love me back. Then I remind myself that they don't have to love me. That's not why I am here. A fact I remind them of when they complain. "I am not here to be your friend, I am here to help you learn, learning isn't always friendly." Boy, isn't that the truth. Welcome to the biggest learning curve of my life.

Bicycles

I am actually embarrassed by the thought that some of you out there might read this. I know you'll be appalled and seriously reconsider our friendship. I am banking on the hope that you won't nix me forever because of what I am about to tell you.

I rode a bike.

Gasp.

Ok, so I learned how to ride a bike when I was little. I made one or two successful turns around the backyard, however many was necessary to make my Dad satisfied he'd done his duty. Then I put the bike down and deliberately did not ride it again. So with the exception of a few shaky rides down the driveway, or to the corner of South Jackson Road with more bike savvy siblings (from which I generally walked back.) I really never became a confident rider of bikes. I never turned, successfully stopped in any sort of graceful way and always rode slowly enough that it destroyed any advantages over walking.

This aversion to bike riding stems from a general hatred of helmets and a over developed sense of self-preservation. Therefore, I can't really bring myself to ride without a helmet, or with one. But that's not all. I have never gotten out of that wobbly stage and into the confident rider stage and so I have never gone out of my way to ride a bike.

A few weeks ago I decided to try out the bike my parents left out here with me and I went down the road by my house. There are open fields on both sides and I could see cars coming and going from miles away it was so flat. It was a lovely time, which inspired me with confidence for what happened next.

A semi ran over our car and off the road. So now car-less, prideful and sick of bothering my friends for rides I took my bike off the lawn and rode it to Delta State for professional Saturday. It was a rather overcast day and the clouds threatened to douse me, bike and treasured laptop, so I prayed and shakily went my way.

The way to DSU wasn't so bad. I rode on the left side of the road so I could see the cars coming at me. I prayed a lot. "Please don't let me get hit by a car! Please don't let me crash into this ditch! Please don't let me get my clothes dirty!" "Oh no! There's no shoulder! Why don't you own a helmet?! Aghh!" "Steady, steady, other people do this all the time..." I am sure you get the picture.

I made it to DSU very sweaty. I ended up pulling my bike into the building because, as I told myself, it would be very sad to lose a car and a bike in the same week.

After my meetings, everyone was so supportive, "I should ride my bike more" "That's so great you ride your bike around." They made me feel like an eco-good health hero.

So on my way back, I tried to follow my friend Eliese's advise about proper bike etiquette and ride with traffic, signal before turning etc... Which definitely made me feel more pro. Until the blue truck pulled up.

The man inside was about 27 and definitely from here. By that I mean he shares a place with my students created by the fact that I can't understand them. Anyway, he pulled up and started a conversation that went something like this.
"Are you ok?"
"Yeah, fine, thanks" (Focused on road... Don't slip off into lose gravel and tip over and skin up every part that is necessary to continue to get home...)
"Are you sure?"
"uhuh"
Are you a student here?"
"Yup" (The correct answer I realized instantly was no, but I wasn't really paying attention to him or what he was saying... I was just trying to stay up and stay away from his car. For some reason, I was sure if I got too close I would fall and he would run over me.)
"Are you single?"
"Huh? Uh yeah." (Don't fall, don't fall don't fall...)(Once again, probably not the answer I should have given).
"I noticed that huge rash on your leg, are you sure you're ok? How'd you get that?" (He was referring to the bruises left on my legs from the accident. They are NOT pretty. I think my kids are scared of them and therefore better behaved.)
"Got hit by a car"
"On your bike?"
"No in my car, thanks for your concern." (Hoping this would end this ever so awkward conversation and I could go back to riding).

He pulled forward a little and then came back.
"Mummmmbling something, what would it take... mummble... )
"What?"
"mdfkfslkdlkjkdjklfshsomething date shgjkdhsomething..."
"Umm I am really busy right now, I am not really looking for dating"
"ksdfhlsdhieuowi skeet?"
"What?" (Focus! Don't fall!)
"Skeetered? It when a man and a woman... kdfhkshwe9urnmv mummblingmummble mummble... I could teach you."
"I am sorry but it makes me really scared to have you drive so close. I am just learning how to ride a bike and I am not very good at it. I really don't have time, I need to get home."
"lkskneemummble, skeeter?"
"I don't know what you are talking about, I am sorry. Have a good day..."

And he finally pulls away and we turned oppositely down the same street. I made it home, totally sweaty and gross. Took a shower and then got online and looked up skeeter...

According to the Urban dictionary, to skeeter means to pull out in the act of intercourse in order to avoid impregnating the female.

Who knew that the riskiest part of bike riding is the chance to acquire STDs not oncoming cars...

Dear old golden rule days...

So Taylor told me she would beat me up if I didn't write more regularly. Which actually is a lie, but we made a pact that we would help each other chronicle this experience in our blogs and I don't want to be the first one violating that pact. Maybe the second.

A lot has happened. I left Houston, I went back, I finished training, I rented a house, I killed over 30,000 mosquitos with my bare hands and another 15,000 with a borrowed vacuum cleaner. I became the legal guardian of a beautiful 17 year old princess, I met with a lawyer for the first time in my life, I paid a lawyer for the first time in my life (ouch), I have driven in a flood, I have eaten fried chicken, I had a roommate, I lost a roommate, I overloaded the washer, gone running and then got scarred of wild boars, defended my sustenance from invasions of ants, danced with a boxer, stolen cars, relied on the kindness of strangers, made several trips to Memphis, I also videotaped a guacamole contest, learned to belly-dance and I have made some amazing friends which have taught me what charity and humility look like personified and generally LOVE THE DELTA. 

However, until last Thursday I had done nothing to teach the children of the delta. 

To be fair to them, I have spent the better part of eight years trying to forget high school, heck, I spent the better part of high school trying to forget high school. So admittedly I probably have a skewed perspective on how this is all supposed to work. How quietly can you expect children to sit after all?

Day one, they were pretty terrified when I spoke to them in Spanish. Which combined with first day jitters and the fact that they are all ninth graders (except for like, three), and the fact that I got some boys with insta-crushes (Miss, you have such pretty eyes...) day one was pretty good. Not perfect, not mind blowingly effective but ok. I made some mistakes I realized pretty quickly, and have been scrambling to rectify them...

Day two. Wow. I came home and slept from about six to about 9am. Apparently, constant "take that outta your mouth, this is a test we do not talk, sit in your seat, do not cut her hair, why didn't you go at lunch, I'll wait until you are ready, do not make me speak over you, silence does not mean talking... will tire you out. It also killed my will to teach. Go figure.

Until I went to a learning team meeting and Deanna got me all fired up. She reminded me about the motivational part of investment, how teaching makes us more like the Savior and how I joined Teach for America in part because no one else will deal with the abuse these squirrelly little guys can deal out. 

Well that got me thinking, and I remembered a talk by Spencer W. Kimball call Jesus the Perfect Leader and looked it up online. The talk brings up the fact that when we screw up it is generally the expression of needs we have. I didn't actually read that one but while I was searching I found one called "Guided by his Exemplary Life" and I realized a lot of things, 

First, I either believe I am here because I believe that God wants me to be or I don't. And if I don't then I need to get out. But I do feel like this is the right place for me and so I can't really question that. Therefore, if I believe that, then I have to believe he is going to help me. 

Secondly and most importantly, if I believe the prior, then I have to do it his way. Otherwise how can I expect to be successful? I can't. 

So today I went in and tried to be as prepared as possible only to have the stellar technology of East Side thwart me in having ANY type of preparation at ALL to begin class. Which meant that, I prayed hard and taught an hour and a half geography lesson with no prep, or tools in Spanish. And credit to the aforementioned realizations it was a phenomenal success. My first hour kids were excited, they were engaged and focused. 

So then of course instead of learning from what had just happened I did what I thought I should do and ended up lining the kids in the hall halfway through the period, against the wall, silently with referral cards in hand, putting them in their least obnoxious positions possible. Terrible. 

Whereas the last period once again, was lovely. 

A side note, I found out a few of my kids can't or struggle with reading. It broke my heart and explained a lot. Hopefully, we can change that.

Not in the Delta...

Not really feeling the "lovin'" today. In fact my roommate and I started missing it so much we made a countdown to when we go back. We may have potentially idealized the Delta in our minds, perhaps, but regardless, everything we're doing is to make it back there and be the best we can be when we get there. 

I guess in a strange way the Delta is kinda like the afterlife and institute is sorta like this life. Very similar feelings and motivations. Clayton compared it to the MTC the other day which is a very fair comparison given that we are legitimately teaching and preparing for the big time. But we have to do it without inspired counsel or instruction the MTC is so full of, which makes it interesting to say the least. 

It's really weird to me, how strongly I feel about it right now. I really have no idea what it will be like. I am really excited to have my own classroom, but I just can't wait to get back. See the green fields and feel the prickly grass. Maybe it's my own stubborness making me feel this way but right now, the Delta is home. 

On that subject, I think the novelty of being Mormon is wearing off a bit. I haven't had any awkward questions today. I love them. "So, is everyone who goes to BYU mormon?" "Oh that's right Mormon's can't drink coffee, right?" Or anymore invites to go for a drink...

I am in the only place in the world I can get a Cougars sweatshirt in Red and White. I know that news hurts some of you, but be strong. The University of Houston is pretty nice. 

I guess may be some who don't know where I am or what I'm up to right now but I accepted a position with Teach for America to teach Spanish this fall in a high school in the Mississippi Delta region. I've committed to be here for two years as part of their initiative to close the achievement gap in this region, as their slogan says "One day all children will have the chance to obtain an excellent education." 

TFA has a lot of catch phrases like collaboration, Kool-aid (indoctrination), backwards planning, sense of possibility... and the list goes on....